Okay, I’ve taken a couple of months off from the blog, but I’m back!
The Renovator’s best friend goes hunting every fall and has been bugging The Renovator to go. This year, he finally caved in, wrote the test, got his licence and booked the time off. I wasn’t looking forward to him being gone for 10 days, but accepted this bizarre manhood ritual for what it was.
A few days into The Renovator’s absence, I was coerced into going to the Justin Beiber concert by my best friend. I had no interest in Justin Beiber and neither did she, but her 6 year old son was desperate to go along with the 12 year old daughter of a friend. I was in a rush to get to her place when I heard a sound coming from the living room. Wa wa wahooo! Wa wa wahoo!
I walk into the living room and hear it again – wa wa wahooo – coming from the curtains. I touch the curtains, they move back and again the noise. I, of course, completely lose it and leap back from the curtains vowing never to go near them again. My mind is racing and all I’ve got is “what is that?”
By this point, the dog and cat have noticed the sounds and are planning a menu. Brandie is barking and pacing, Avi is sitting on the windowsill looking up to the top of the curtains, thinking about dessert. I’m about ready to pass out. I’m thinking it’s a bird. I’ve tried looking from the far end of the window, but whatever this creature is, it’s sitting on top of the curtain rod, under the valance, in shadows.
I grab a long stick and poke the curtains – wa wa wahooo, wa wa wahooo! I kick the dog and cat outside. My husband is away hunting, my best friend’s husband is with him and my dad if 40 minutes away. I’m thinking about letting the cat and dog back in and shutting the door to let them deal with it. I’ll clean up the mess afterwards. Instead, I call the SPCA and explain my issue in a panicked voice.
Before Mr. SPCA arrives, I open the front door so that he’ll know he’s at the right house. He gets here quick, I fill him in, then I grab the stick to show him the noise the “thing” makes. As soon as I swish the curtains, out leaps this crazy black squirrel. I scream like a little girl, the squirrel leaps to the back of the couch, over the pony-wall, down ten feet to the foyer and out the front door. Thank goodness I’d left it open.
Mr. SPCA says he thinks it came in through the fireplace. After he leaves, I leave the front door open – it’s nice out afterall. I try to get my heart rate back down to normal and hear the doorbell. It’s Mr. SPCA again and he says to me, “You might want to close the door – there’s a bear coming into your yard.”
Sure enough there’s our local bear waltzing into the yard, wandering down to the creek, back up the yard. We’ve only seen her at 3 or 4 in the morning and here she is wandering across our yard! She crosses the driveway and sees the fence that has been extended. She hauls off and swats the fence, then grabs the tree and climbs over to wander through the neighbours yard.
I do my best not to faint, pack myself up and head off to Justin Beiber.
I would have preferred to face the squirrel again. At least the hunters got a moose out of the deal.
A writer since she first held a pen, Ronda Payne – aka: the Girl with a Pen, is passionate about words. In 2007, she kissed ‘real jobs’ goodbye and began her true career as a copywriter, non-fiction freelance writer (magazines and other periodicals) and creative writer.